Porterfield R-4 carbon kevlar racing brakes for the 93 thru 97, FERRARI, F50, 4.7 Ltr..President Harry Truman said that, "a weeping man is an abomination." Truman was president from the close of World War II into the early 50s. I saw this quote just the other day, and was reminded of my grandfather, Oren Ryals. Oren was my father's father, and when I was a boy I idolized him. He ran a chicken farm on a seven acre spread near McMinnville, Oregon in the 50s and early 60s. I got to go down and spend time working there just about every summer between 1956 and 1963.
Oren loved his grandchildren very much, and I'm sure that from his perspective he spoiled us rotten. He built a bunkhouse in a corner of the barn and stayed out there with my brothers and I when we came to visit. He told us tall tales of Bigfoot and other legends, and we always had a great time. He taught me the value of working hard and enjoying the fruits of my labor. It seemed as though he could fix or build anything. He often worked 12 or more hours a day.
When I was quite young, before the age of 10, I remember grandpa being quite affectionate. However, at the end of a trip my mom, my brothers and I had taken to visit with grandma and grandpa in the summer of 1960, I was deeply shaken by the way he said goodbye. We were standing in the train station in Portland, and the air was heavy with diesel fumes and cloying heat. I loved trains (still do!), and was so excited to be heading home to Seattle on one. I remember the massive engine throbbing behind us as though it was breathing.
There we were, saying goodbye to grandma and grandpa. Grandma hugged everybody just as always, and grandpa hugged my younger brothers. I thought he was saving me for last because I was his favorite, but think that was just a fantasy. The conductor's voice rang out, calling everyone to board. I stepped towards grandpa and put my arms out to get a hug just like I always had, but he stuck his hand out and shoved me back, stopping me cold. Shock shuddered through me and I wondered what I might have done wrong.
I looked up into his face, tears welling, and he almost snarled, "Big boys don't cry, and they don't hug either. Men shake hands." With that, he stuck out his hand for me to shake. Numbly, fighting back tears, I shook his hand, then turned without another glance and climbed into the train. My brothers and I settled into our seats, and I looked out the window. Grandma and grandpa waved to us, smiles on their faces, as though nothing had happened.
I sat there feeling crushed. I sniffed once or twice as I wiped away the remnants of my tears. I vowed then and there never to cry again. If grandpa said it wasn't okay to cry or hug him, then that must be the way of it. I would just have to get over my hurt. It would be six long years before my tears again graced my cheeks.
I tell you this story because, as I read President Truman's words that I quoted you at the beginning of this essay, I was reminded of my grandpa. He turned 58 years old in 1960, about the age I am now, and I realized that this was the reality that my grandpa lived in. He really did think that a weeping man was an abomination, and he was trying to protect me from being thought of in that way. He was just doing his best. He taught me so much, and he really did love me the very best way he knew how.
Tears flow easily for me now. I consider them sacred. I know in my heart that tears are not a sign of weakness. Instead, they are a sign of strength. I honor them in myself and in others. My heart breaks open for all of the people who do not feel as though they can afford to cry. Part of my mission is to teach people that feeling is healing, that any feeling fully felt shifts. It took me a long time to learn that laughter is connected to tears just as rain is connected to flowers. One enhances the other, creates a context, provides perspective. Tears are healing. Trust your tears, and trust your heart.
Steve Ryals, author of Drunk with Wonder: Awakening to the God Within went from homeless and shooting drugs in San Franciscos Haight-Ashbury district at 17 to graduating from UC Berkeley on the Deans List six years later.
Drunk with Wonder was written, edited and designed with almost no help from fossil fuels. Steve is proud to say that Drunk with Wonder is printed on 60# Thor Offset acid-free, recycled paper with soy-based ink. Drunk with Wonder is the culmination of years of research and decades of personal experience.It's been hailed as where "Conversations with God meets What the Bleep Do we Know?" To learn more about this timely book go to: http://drunkwithwonder.com
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